What's Going on in that Head?

If it weren't for Botox, everyone  yesterday would have known the sour mood, frustration, and general negativity I felt. Fortunately, my paralyzed forehead provided the neutral front for the war that was going on just a few millimeters behind it in my frontal lobe.

As quickly as "3-2-1 Go!" my downward spiral started yesterday morning, right about the time I usually begin writing for this blog.  I put my 30-day challenge before and after pictures side by side, and saw... nothing.  I zeroed in on my problem area, my mid-section that drives me crazy, and didn't see the waspy waistline I was looking for.  Rational Brain was still talking to me at this point, but it was taking its last, desperate breaths. "You lost 8 lbs.  You lost 3 inches.  You lost 3% body fat. It was only 30 days." I even remembered that people have told me they can see a difference in me.  And then the rational lights went out. 

The negativity and weakness took over, evolving into frustration and then anger.  I looked at the pictures again, and forced myself to get dressed for the gym.  The inner voices were telling me that I screwed it up, that I'm not doing enough, even that I will, gasp, NEVER lose inches or look different. Once I accepted those voices, the irrationalization and futility set in.  "I'm not going to change because I'm in my forties, I have some unknown medical condition that makes it impossible to lose weight." (really?)  But here's where the repair of basket cased-ness began.  I talked to Chris about how I was feeling.  He tried to help me sort through why I was feeling that way, but I wasn't really accepting anything he was saying.  Chris got to the gym before me, and gave Amanda a heads-up that Pistol Annie was on her way in. 

When I got to the gym, I was called into the Principal's Office.  Because Amanda is ridiculously honest (I love that about her), she pointed out some things to me that my negative brain was avoiding.  She and Dave gave me a much needed reality check, redirected me, and forced me to look at the positive progress I have made.  It truly is all about PERSPECTIVE we choose.  There were areas of improvement visible in the pictures that I had not seen before.  There were positives everywhere, but I had only seen one negative and blew it out of proportion.

Look, everyone has weakness.  Everyone has a moment of negativity.  I chose to accept it and endorse it - for a moment.  The best choice I made was to bring others whom I trust into my brain, and allowed, this is key, allowed them to re-shape my thinking.  I didn't put up barriers to their help.  And then I kept at it.  I could have used the lame excuse of Valentine's Day to further endorse my weak brain, to eat poorly, but I didn't.

Don't devalue all you've done because of a momentary lapse in positive progress.   Get back at it and on it.  Besides the fact that no one wants to be around negative energy, it's not healthy.  It's destructive, exhausting, and futile.  I got over myself, and today is another day to make progress and improvement.  Know who your trusted friends are, and allow them to redirect you.  I'm better, I'm happy, and I'm choosing to drink the proverbial Kool Aid out of the half-full glass (Kool Aid is definitely NOT paleo).  My Workout in Negativity took me 2 hours to complete, which is an improvement on my previous time.    I hope each time I'm faced with this workout, I achieve a new PR in time.  Today, I'm happy and smiling.  You just have to look at my mouth, because the botox hides the happy wrinkles too.