The bottom line is everyone has a voice that speaks to them. I'm not talking about a hallucination, I'm talking about your inner dialogue, the things that run over and over again in your mind, typically involving things you CAN'T, you HATE, or you will NEVER accomplish, because of (fill in the blank here). The only difference is sane people lie about their voices, they deny them, or they do not confront them. People with mental illness will usually include you in the voices conversation, so you know exactly where they're coming from, as bizarre as that place might be.
I'm not saying I don't have voices, we all do. Healthy management of them means you take steps to acknowledge the statements honestly, figure out the source of it, and confront it head on, in a positive way. Everyone gets nervous, everyday, about something. Am I gonna fail, look stupid, perform horribly, or screw something up royally? The short answer everyday should then be "nope." I'm going to go in there, do my best, and understand that the result after my best is what it is, and tomorrow is a brand new day. I was nauseated before "Fran" yesterday. For those of you non-Crossfitters (wait, what?) "Fran" is a benchmark workout that lasts anywhere from 2-10 minutes depending on your fitness level and endurance, and involves lifting and pulling at a high rate of speed. People who Crossfit know their Fran time. We have people in our gym who complete it in under 3 minutes, which is less than half my time. Fran didn't make me want to vomit, the voices in my head were putting the pressure on my brain's nausea centers trying to give me any reason to get out of "the test."
Every day, I hear about schedules, inabilities, injuries and weaknesses that prevent people from completing what they want to do, but instead they fear. On The Biggest Loser last night, they had kids face the fears that were their barriers. An 8th grade girl joined a group of high school cheerleaders for practice, when she had always been bullied by her own school's cheerleaders for being overweight. I know, that's a typical high school analogy, but we all have some type of equivalent in our adult lives. I know women who I think are better at being a mother than I am. I know and work with nurses who are 100 times smarter than I am and really know their stuff. I am constantly amazed by others' physical abilities at the gym - how the HELL do you climb that rope at all, and fast?
The most important thing first is to acknowledge your barrier. What do you run over and over again in your head? It's some version of I can't. The next step is adding the "why." This is your perceived reason to justify the "I can't." Here's an example. "I can't run 6 miles because I haven't really trained for it and I don't want to re-injure my knee." We've all heard someone say something like this, and we've probably said something like it ourselves. Ok, if you aren't training, you might have difficulty completing 6 miles in a dead run. However, you could COMPLETE 6 miles. If your car broke down, and you were 6 miles to the nearest phone or person, and you were cold and hungry, I'm pretty sure you could get your butt up and out of the deadbeat car and jog/walk to safety, warmth, and food in your belly. Your motivation in the 2 situations is different. Are you actively in rehab for a recent knee injury? If the answer is yes, then the therapist or orthopedic surgeon is not going to recommend you run. They would probably recommend sticking with upper body movement and getting your butt in the pool. They would not recommend you spend more time at work and eat comfort foods when you are home as this is a perfectly good reason not to work out at all. Is your knee injury from way back? Surgery years ago? Then your movement is different, and needs to be modified. Maybe you need a brace, or you don't run 6 miles you only run 2. Or maybe the impact of running isn't going to work so you cycle or row instead. You have to ask why you allow the history of the knee injury to stop you from trying. Please know the run and the knee are general comparisons. You can substitute back, neck, shoulder, ankle, nose, whatever.
My husband has broken his neck not once but twice (he now spends many hours coaching young boys how to properly tackle and avoid being tackled to prevent head and neck injury on the field.) He had years of pain, discomfort, and flare-ups because of this. He could have said "I can't do that because I broke my neck," which would shut a lot of people up. Instead, he chose to make his back, core, shoulders and legs strong so that his neck is successfully supported. Most people will give the old injury power over them because they don't want to try and fail. If they fail, it endorses the injury and further promotes the mindset that they are "less than" someone else. Or does it? I view failing as a frustrating, and completely unacceptable experience. Something as simple as a cooking fail will put me into a tailspin. A physical ability fail makes me angry, sad and frustrated. I can submit to it, or I can face it and find a new way to accomplish it. I might have to try many different ways and means, but I will find a way to my goal, or certainly to one that is new and comparable to the original goal.
So, you may not RUN 6 miles. But you could COMPLETE some mileage on your feet, in some manner. You might walk, you might run/walk, you might bike. It might be 1 mile or 6, but it would force you to confront and beat in some way the voice that told you that you couldn't. The same goes for weight loss, a workout schedule, being a better husband/wife, son/daughter, mother/father, friend, brother/sister. Acknowledge, prioritize it, and face it. Do NOT give it power by endorsing it to others. By telling others your schedule is too overloaded, you aren't sleeping enough as it is, and you simply can't do something says that you have a giant wall that prevents you from moving forward. Stare at the wall, know it, and kick it down, climb over it, whatever it takes. But do not accept it as part of your life and psyche.
If you aren't losing weight as quickly as you'd like (and I'm right there with you), make yourself understand the REAL reason. Don't give it a medical name. I don't want to hear about thyroid or metabolic syndrome or anything like it. I've used that too, and I had medical advice that gave that power to me. My thyroid function is not normal, but I no longer allow that to be my reason. I can always make better food choices, and use my body more efficiently to lose weight. I know that if I give up, I really won't lose any more weight. I might stray here and there, but as long as my general direction is toward a better and healthier life, I will lose weight and keep it off. If I accept that my thyroid is stupid and lame, then I let it win.
Write down your barriers. You don't have to share them with anyone, but if you have someone you can be completely honest with, it will help. Don't look for endorsement of your barriers from others. Be honest, and then pursue solution. Create the louder, ballsier voice in your head that tells you it's possible, probable, and you will.
Wow what a great article. Everything is true. Again this is very tough subject to convey. Great job!
ReplyDeleteFrom now on I will include you in those conversations with my inner voice!